As a child I desperately wanted to become a well-known and good artist. That, or a private detective like Sherlock Holmes but that's another story. The other kids often marvelled at my early drawings and with the age of 4 I made my first study of my stuffed kitten. My mom told me back then I was already a true perfectionist and kept on throwing the sketches away because I disliked them, just to start over again. The other kids then cried out, why I would destroy such a great picture but for me it was simply imperfect.

But why am I telling you all of this??
I've been reflecting on my work lately, what I have achieved, what I haven't achieved and what I want to do with it. Don't worry this is not one of those "I'll completely stop with something important" kind of talks. I just noticed that I'm not really going anywhere. I came to a degree of perfection when it comes to WITCH. That being said: I managed to get really close to the original style. Disney in general has become rather easy for me to draw. My coloring still sucks but has gotten a little better. But what is that good for? Sure I like to draw them from time to time and I'll continue to do that but, now that I've reached that stage... why am I spending time on it? Is it fun? Is it easy work since I'm already so trained in it?
All the other stuff was interesting too...

But WHY am I drawing at all? WHY AM I DOING IT?!

I couldn't answer that question and that surprised me. I'm no longer expressing my emotions through my work for example. I only did that in "Quiet" and kind of for the stuff I did for you guys and I think you can actually feel that. The birthday picture of Cornelia as an example: The style is almost perfectly Disney-like but the most emotions went into the choice and details fo clothing. Not the concept, not the location... not the idea of the picture. That's why it's not giving off such a warm or comforting or cheery feeling like some of the other entrants managed to create in their works.
But if I don't put any emotions into my work, into the ideas of them, isn't something going wrong? It shouldn't be like that... I should feel more happy about it, be more passionate about them.

So I made one of my amazingly amazing plans for my future as an artist and it goes as follows:

PLANS FOR MY ARTISTIC FUTURE

1.  Stop donating commissions as prizes for contests!
   Yes, they like it, but it's only being appreciated occasionally and I feel like it's more of an excuse than generosity!
2. If participating in a contest, choose one you can actually relate to!
   NOT for the awesome prizes
   NOT because people expect you to
   NOT because you're bored!!!
3. Finish the damn commissions!
   People are relying on you!! Get. Them. Done!
4. Only accept few commissions and CLOSE the commission info if the list is full!
   If the commission status is not up to date and people only ever hear "Sorry, my schedule is full" it gives off a bad impression!
5. Try to get back to creating emotional pieces!
   Look for things and inspiration, messages that have a meaning to me to get the emotions back into my works!
6. Concentrate on the book for Voices of Ilya, and the Teaser!
   (Yes, there's a teaser!) 'cause without it all that lovely merchandise I'm planning on is simply Not. Going. To. Sell! (Pictures to support Website, Teaser, and first merchandise or seek for attention on DA are alright but stay focused!)
7. Don't go to patreon until you're truly ready to be paid for Voices of Ilya!
   If I go there too early I might feel pressured and/or caged and stop working on the project (worst case)!
8. Split Disney and Non-Disney commissions!
   People are confused about the two styles they can choose from. They don't get it. Keep it simple! One info sheet for Disney-style commissions and once info sheet for Comic-style commissions. Discounts and other variable information should be only communicated via the journal NOT via updating the picture over and over again!

TADA! That's the plan. Not sure how far this will work out. But in general I want to get back to not just draw, because I can but get back to putting more emotions into the pictures. I managed to do so here and there but I really want to get back to investing a bit more thought and emotions into the pictures to ensure their quality and my development as an artist. The commissions I have left for now I'll more or less quickly finish up (with the usual quality standart of cause) except for Ivans commission of cause and after that I want to try and work some more on improving my art, finding my voice as an artist because I really feel like i've lost it somewhere along the way. It's there if you read my stories or listen to the music but I can't really seem to find it in most of my art works of the last year.

I want to focus on Voices of Ilya in general a bit more if I can, too. Yes, I've said that once already and as you may know, things like that take time. I'm constantly working on the stories, getting ideas for pictures and merchandise and all that lovely stuff but I guess I have to stop fooling around and start prioratizing and actually working on it. Once the book is finished, and/or the teaser I can go public with it via several websites on the internet and try making it more public. Then I can start the merchandising try for some funding via things like patreon etc. and see what happens. At least I'm starting to get somewhere with the project. After a long break I finally got back to the stories and continued them. I also finally started actually preparing the new Voices of Ilya Website, the logo is almost finished and I collected great new ideas for pictures. Also a friend of mine (singer) is currently learning the text etc. for my Voi songs so there'll be more diversity in the pieces along with some other things I've been doing for the project.
So that's really great! Maybe I can combine the emotional part with the next Voi Artwork... We'll see.

Sorry for the long text but it was very important for me to share this with you guys!
Apart from that I'll be at the GDC Europe next week and also moving End of this week and rest of the next so I may not be online very much.

Oh and the contest is still planned so no changes there!

See you around!